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Things I Don’t Understand
Photo by JD Hancock @ Flickr. Most of the time, I’m pretty with it. I go around doing things, giving high-fives and fist-bumps like a champ. I can bake like a freaking wizard. I’m decent on the guitar....
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Jean and Sofia: A Short Story About a Mostly Sane Woman and Her Duck
Photo By tifotter @ Flickr One day, after a particularly stressful meeting at the office, a woman stopped at a fruit stand, and purchased a small duck out of a large, cardboard box. Why? She didn’t...
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Problems That Lions Don’t Have
Have you ever had a frustrating moment in your day and thought, “If I were a lion, I wouldn’t have this problem”? Really? Me too. Those lions. They have it made in the shade. Here are some common...
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Of Course I’m Afraid of Nuclear Fallout
Photo by pasukaru76 @ FlickrI’ve been having weird dreams lately. And sleeping kinda restlessly. Sleep is literally my favorite thing to do, so it makes me a little bit cranky when it doesn’t work out...
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Problems That Bunnies Don’t Have
It’s been a heavy week around ol’ MelanieCrutchfield.com. Yes siree bob. I’ve been plagued (and have plagued you, dear readers) with lots of thoughts about stuff that just totally freaking sucks. Stuff...
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Why You Should Always Give a Pregnant Lady Five Bucks
Next time you see a pregnant lady, you really need to stop and give her five bucks. Why? Well, the short answer is that pregnancy is the freaking worst. THE WORST. Okay, having your leg chewed off by a...
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Good Morning, Snuggles
I have about eight—drat, no, seven—minutes to pound this out. Seven minutes to cobble some words together and jam them onto this screen here, and hope they make some kind of sense. Tick tock. No...
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Mother of a Broken Heart
Yesterday, my 4-year-old and I went to an appointment with her cardiologist. Now, if a 4-year-old has a cardiologist, then you know something rather craptastic happened at some point. For reference,...
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A Royal Decree from Princess Chubbila Stinkerton III
Hear ye! Hear ye! The following is a Royal Decree from her Majesty Princess Chubbila Stinkerton III on her first birthday. Should any deviation from this decree occur, her Majesty’s discontent will be...
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How to Remove Skunk Smell
We awoke to skunk smell. A smell that crept in the window like a green wisp of air like in the cartoons. And behind that wisp, another wisp. Behind that? More wisp. Lots, and lots of green wavy stink....
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